4th of July in Texas

It’s that time of year again! 4th of July – and we’re spending it in Texas.

Let me write the equivalent of a school essay to help explain the 4th of July for those outside the U.S.:

What the 4th of July Means to Me

The Fourth of July means many things to me, but most importantly, it means snow cones. Without snow cones, America wouldn’t be the country it is today.

A lot of Americans say that 4th of July of America’s birthday. A lot of Americans also say that ketchup is a vegetable.

The United States celebrates freedom in many ways. One of those ways is to fry any food they want, be it Oreos, butter or cheesecake. Another way is to wear horribly inappropriate summer clothing that really shouldn’t be on bodies eating all that fried food.

But the most popular thing on the 4th of July is the fireworks. Americans like shiny, loud things. And after the fireworks, we all spend the next hour cursing our parking choices as we sit for an hour trying to get out of the lot with complaining kids in the backseat.

Happy 4th of July America!  Now where did I put my mosquito spray?