I’m going to Ikea today, as every good Swede is required to do at least 4 times a year. I need to buy a bedside table, but I also need napkins and ziploc bags. Yep, I take the car out to giant Ikea to stock up on napkins and ziploc bags.
Why not buy them at the grocery store, you say? Well, if I can find ziploc bags at the grocery store, they cost around $8, whereas at Ikea they cost around $3. Same goes for napkins. So yes, we stock up every season on napkins and ziplocs at Ikea.
The Ikea I’m going to tomorrow is the largest Ikea in the world (I looked it up on Wikipedia). The store is designed with about 4 floors in circles. It’s the most confusing place I’ve ever been. I say it’s 4 floors, but I’m honestly not sure. I’m so dizzy by the time I get to the bottom that I have no idea how big it is. Who designed this place? It’s like being in a video game where you can’t get off your level unless you buy something to reveal the hidden escalator to the next level.
I have 3 items to buy today. I fully expect this to take an hour an a half. Has anyone ever gotten out of Ikea in less time than that? I don’t think so. It’s impossible. Wow! Carpets for 5 dollars?! I could use another carpet! Oh! Now these bowls are yellow. Never can have too many bowls! ……
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, I never made it out.
Finding a short-cut to leave IKEA after you have eventually located what you went there for is like to trying to escape from the seventh circle of Hell, & inside all the stores are the same size – just a little too large to be able to navigate without the aid of GPS or homing pigeons.
There is no pit of despair that is worse than the loss of all hope that settles on your shoulders when you are trying to leave IKEA!
And if they have a short-cut, they put it in sight of something you really need off in the distance so you can’t use it. You should be able to hire a guide when you arrive – like a safari.
Also, I realized that Swedish people are very thin because they have to walk everywhere and build their own furniture.