It should be against the law….

….to call this “cake.”  This is a Swedish “sandwich cake” (smörgåstårta).  It is sometimes served at gatherings, such as funerals, where I would rather be dead than have to eat this.

When I first came to Sweden, one of the first words I learned was cake (“tårta”), because you have to make sure you have the important things covered. Not long after I gained this knowledge, I attended a large funeral gathering. Though I was unable to understand most of the conversation around me, my ears perked up at the mention of “tårta.”

Immediately following this, a large, rectangular object was placed near the end of the table. Combining my bad vision with an even worse grasp of the Swedish language, I excitedly said, “I’ll have a large slice, please.”

As the plate with the large slice was placed in front of me, my eyes grew wide with horror. This was not the lovely frosted confection I was expecting, but rather a strange pile of eggs, caviar, cucumber and cocktail shrimp. The disappointment was immense, not to mention, the sudden realization that I would now have to either admit I misunderstood the situation (never!) or eat this abomination masquerading as a cake.

I suspect the Swedes purposely serve this to irritate foreigners.  They know good and well the rest of the world would never define this fusion of substances that were never meant to be served together as “cake.”  Never again will I fall for this ruse!

Now, where’s this “ostkaka” I keep hearing about?  That’s cheesecake, right?